Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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