...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
