Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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