You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
