My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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