We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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