I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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