Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at about main and main street
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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