Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
