i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
