it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
