No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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