I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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