He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
