okay pat passed out under dana's car
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
