I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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