I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
