you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
