do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
