His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
