I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
