he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
