Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think a kid would responsible me up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
