so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
