I feel like abortions should bother me more
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I won't apologize to a one balled man
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
