Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
