You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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