just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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