call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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