Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
