If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
