someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I will die if light touches me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
