so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
