Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
