im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is Oprah even human
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
