maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
