He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
