Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
