Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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