Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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