he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize