I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
