you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
