would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
