god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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