i love accidental penises.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
