I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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