I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's shark week go big or go home
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
