the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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