you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
