I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
