i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
