It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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