he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize