puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
