its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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