I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
