My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
