Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
