I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
