Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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