Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
