You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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