i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
