i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I need to stop coming to work sober
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to make out with him forever
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
