its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
