wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize