Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
