i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
home. puking in laundry basket.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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