you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
