You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
