Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
