She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
